Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

Bob and Joe sat next to each other taking a test. When they finished, the teacher called them up to the front of the room and said, “Boys, I will have to give both of you a zero on this test”

“W-why?” they wanted to know, though Joe was shifting uncomfortably.

She said, “Your answers were too nearly alike. One of you cheated and the other one let him do it.”

“What makes you think we cheated?” Bob asked. “That could have been a coincidence.”

The teacher said, “I might have believed that if it wasn’t
for the fact that when you came to question #10, Bob wrote
in ‘I don’t know’ for the answer, and you, Joe, put ‘Me
neither’!”

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.

“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.

“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.

“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.

He knocks. A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”

She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”

The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”

She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”.

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

“Don’t know,” the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

“This is my husband,” the old woman said. “He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either.”.

Middle age is when you go to the doctor and you realize you know have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

Middle age is when you bounce, but you don’t bounce back.

Middle age brings the wisdom that life throws you curves… and that you’re now sitting on your biggest ones.

It’s very hard to “get jiggy with it” in Middle age… jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.

The engineer went in first and was asked, ””What is 2+2?”” The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ””4.””

Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ”4.0.”

Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ””What do you want it to be?””

My son is so lazy he won’t empty the trash in the computer recycle bin!

Tech Support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”

Customer: “Are you crazy woman, it’s twenty below outside!”

My son is so lazy he won’t empty the trash in the computer recycle bin!

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”