Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

–The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

–The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

–USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand The Washington Post.

–The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time.

–The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw Mr. Green Pea over the fence.

3 sky divers were diving but there parachutes were faulty and they all died.
They went to heaven and there before those 3 men stood God.

“Go down the slide and you will receive one wish what you wish for is what you get at the end of the slide, “boomed God’s voice.

The first man slid down and said “SPORTS CAR” and sure-enough there was a sports car.

The second man went down and said “MONEY” and he received money.

The third man jumped down the slide and said “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why the groom wearing black?”

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Why did God create man first?

So he wouldn’t have to be told how to do it.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.

She said, “Depends on what’s in it for me.”

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. “Bet cha’ can’t guess how old I am today”, the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. “I’m eleven!” the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, “Bet cha’ can’t guess how old I am today”.

“Let me give it a guess”, grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, “You’re eleven years old”.

“How did you know?” the boy asked.

Grandma replied, “I heard you tell your father”.