Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North
Carolina campus.
One day Tipton came in and said to his
roommate, “I hear there’s a
new case of herpes in the dorm.”
“Great!” said Baldwin. “I was getting tired of 7-Up!”
Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen,
were discussing what kind of work would supply mem with big bucks
after
graduation.
“Well, I’ve always thought I’d like to be
a doctor,” said
Higginbote. “Specialize in something or other. Like
obstetrics, maybe.”
“Obstetrics?” scoffed Goldstein. “At the
rate science is going,
you’d no sooner learn all about it when
bingo! somebody’d find a cure for
it.”
What is the second stupidest thing in the
world?
An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the
ocean trying
to build a foundation for a house.
What is the
stupidest thing in the world?
An Arkansas contractor trying to
build a house on the
foundation.
“Where are my shoes?” asked the Iowa State
professor as the class ended.
“They’re on your feet,” said one of
the students.
“So they are,” said the professor. “It’s a good
thing you saw them,
or I would have gone home without them!”
Professor: I forgot to take
my umbrella
this morning.
Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?
Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had
stopped.
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University
student building when he
was stopped by two coeds.
“Would
you like to become a Jehovah’s Witness?” asked one of the
girls.
“No, I really couldn’t. I didn’t see the accident.”
A survey was being taken on the University of
Arizona campus.
The survey taker asked a soccer player,
“What do you think of
bilingualism?”
“Oh, I think it’s okay,”
said the boy, “if it’s between consenting
adults.”
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English
professors, were
having lunch in the cafeteria.
During the course
of the conversation, Biddle said,
“A student gave me a peculiar
answer in class today. I asked who wrote
the Merchant of Venice and
a sophomore said, “Please, sir, it wasn’t
me!”
“Ha, ha!”
laughed Payne. “And I suppose the little snot had done it
all
along!”
Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the
contractor,
through the second floor of her new house to show him what
colors to paint
the rooms. “I’d like the bathroom done in white!”
Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, “Green up! Green
up!”
“I want the bedroom in blue!” continued the woman.
The contractor listened and yelled out the window, “Green up! Green
up!”
“The halls should be done in beige!” she instructed.
Again, the man
barked out the window, “Green up! Green up!”
“Will you stop that?!” shouted the woman. “Every time I give you a
color, all you do is shout ‘Green up!’ What the devil does that
mean?”
‘Tm real sorry, ma’am!” explained Corbett. “But I got three
Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin’ to put in the front
lawn!”
A
Mississippi professor was at a party and
became indignant when asked if
college professors were
absent-minded.
“Professors haven’t got bad memories,” he declared.
“They’re not
absent-minded. Don’t you think I know where I am right now,
and don’t
you think tomorrow I’ll know where I was last night?
Would somebody
like to ask me another question?”
“Yes,” said
another guest. “Is it true that professors are
absent-minded and
have bad memories?”
“Good!” said the professor. “I knew sooner or
later somebody would
ask me that question.”