Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was obviously delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”

Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “Honey — I… I… promise. I didn’t pinch that girl.”

His wife smiled and said consolingly, “Of course you didn’t, sweetheart. I did.”.

Marvin was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense.

He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”.

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on the man’s shins.

He asked, “Do you play hockey, rugby, or any physical sport?”

“No. I just play bridge with my wife.”

A man’s car was stalled in the middle of a busy street, and the woman behind him honked continuously as he tried to restart it.

Finally, the man got out and walked to the woman’s car.

“I can’t seem to get my car started,” the man said, smiling. “If you’ll go and start it for me, I’ll stay here and lean on your horn.”.

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Unique Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

“What’s your ‘Unique Breakfast?’” he asked.

“Baked tongue of chicken,” she replied.

“Baked tongue of chicken?… Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!” he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like then?”

“Just bring me scrambled eggs,” the man replied.

I asked a little girl do you know why we get out of school for Labor Day?

She was very enthusiastic to say “It is a time when all the mommys of the world go into labor”

~ITS CUZ IM JAZZY~

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.

“Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.

“Certainly,” he replied “Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.

“As old as the Hills,” he wrote on his form.

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

“Don’t know,” the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

“This is my husband,” the old woman said. “He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either.”.

Middle age is when you go to the doctor and you realize you know have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about middle age is that the glass is still half-full… of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

Middle age is when you bounce, but you don’t bounce back.

Middle age brings the wisdom that life throws you curves… and that you’re now sitting on your biggest ones.

It’s very hard to “get jiggy with it” in Middle age… jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.

Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.

When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him and threw her arms around his neck, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”.