Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said “That was the worst night of my life!”
“Why is that?” her mom asked.
“He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“He’s the original owner mom!”
A guy says to a salesgirl, “I want to buy some toilet paper.”
She says, “What color?”
He says, “Just give me white. I’ll color it myself.”
Fire
investigators on Maui have
determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed
a $127,000 home last
month - a short in the homeowner’s newly
installed fire prevention
alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,”
said the
distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new
security
system…”
After interviewing a particularly
short-spoken
job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather
monosyllabic.
My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”.
Thinking that he was
just kidding, I played along and said that it was
just south of
Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by
Croatia?”
Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish
people that drowned?
A: They were riverdancing.
Q: Have you heard about the Irish
abortion
clinic?
A: There’s a 12-month waiting list.
Two newfies walked into a pet
store. The first says “I want four budgies.”
Salesman-certainly sir,
would you like two male and two female or
all male or all female?
Newfie-I don’t care. I just want 4 budgies!
Salesman-certainly
sir, what color would you like? We have yellow,
blue, gr…
Newfie
- I don’t care what color they are, just put four budgies in a
box
for me. Is that too hard?
Salesman - O.K. O.K.
The two newfies
pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this
high cliff in
Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and
pulls out
two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff
while
flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
The second
newfie looks down at his friend’s twisted remains and says
“What a
shame. this budgie jumping isn’t all it’s cracked up to
be!”
QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take
his bedroom door off the
hinges and put it to the sid every night
when he goes to sleep?
ANSWER: Because he’s afraid someone would
look through the
keyhole.
What did the idiot do to the flea in
his ear?
Shot it!
One idiot said to the other, “You
know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those
who
can count, and those who can’t.