Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

1. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
2. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
3. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
4. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
5. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
6. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
7. He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail”.
8. It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
9. The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
10. He can’t stick his head out of Windows.

One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a response pinned to his collar: “We have ten children - he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

1. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
2. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
3. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
4. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
5. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
6. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
7. He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail”.
8. It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
9. The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
10. He can’t stick his head out of Windows.

One day, as a dog was walking by a store, he noticed a sign which said, “Now Hiring: must be able to type 70 words per minute, and must be bilingual. Equal opportunity employment.” The dog took the sign in his mouth and brought it into the manager’s office. He set it down on the desk. When the manager realized that the dog was applying for the job, he laughed and said, “I’m not going to hire a dog!” The dog put his paw on the part of the sign that read “equal opportunity employer.” “Well,” said the manager, “let’s see you type 70 words per minute!” He handed the dog a document and watched as the dog perfectly duplicated the document, and well over 70 words per minute. The man looked at the dog. He couldn’t believe it. “Don’t tell me you’re bilingual too.” The dog opened his mouth and said, “Meow.”

1 Eat less.

2 Usually come when called.

3 Are easier to train.

4 Don’t ask for money all the time.

5 Don’t drink or smoke.

6 Don’t hang out with friends who use drugs.

7 Never ask to drive the car.

8 Don’t have to have the latest fashions.

9 Don’t want to wear your clothes.

10 Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11 If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

1. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
2. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
3. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
4. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
5. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
6. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
7. He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail”.
8. It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
9. The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
10. He can’t stick his head out of Windows.

A blind man, with a seeing eye dog at his side, walks into his local grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who up until this point thought he had seen it all, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what�s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and asks, �Pardon me. May I help you with something?�

Panda While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.

A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?”

To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?” “Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?” “Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…” “What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?” “Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”

What is the
best way to follow a lost dog’s
paw prints?
With a track-tor!