Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

3 sky divers were diving but there parachutes were faulty and they all died.
They went to heaven and there before those 3 men stood God.

“Go down the slide and you will receive one wish what you wish for is what you get at the end of the slide, “boomed God’s voice.

The first man slid down and said “SPORTS CAR” and sure-enough there was a sports car.

The second man went down and said “MONEY” and he received money.

The third man jumped down the slide and said “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Three young boys were walking on the sidewalk arguing over whose daddy was the greatest. One said, “My dad is the greatest because he is the president of the town bank.” The second boy said, “That is pretty good, but my daddy owns two grocery stores in town!” The third boy said, “That’s nothing, my dad is a preacher, and he owns hell. He came home last night and told my mom that the Church Board gave it to him!”

Cesium

Cesium, ’tis of thee,
Thy ‘positivity,
Of thee I sing.
Thou whose hydroxide, dis-
solved my wife when she died,
Glorious too, for suicide,
Here, death, is thy sting.

Lab Reports
(to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the lab
with a tan page lab report
Taking all those tests
and laughing at them all
Bells for fire drills ring
making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
a chemistry song tonight.

Oh, lab report, lab reports,
reacting all the way
Oh what fun it is to study
for a chemistry test today, Hey!

Chemistry test, chemistry test
isn’t it a blast
Oh what fun it is to take
a chemistry test and pass.

One time three very bad people felt guilty for the different crimes they committed and went to a church to ask god forgiveness. There, they found a priest.

So all three of them went to the priest. The first crook said “Oh, Father! I have killed an innocent man and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask god to forgive me!” The priest murmured a blessing and told the crook “God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity”. The Father pointed toward a fountain with sparkling water. The first crook went and drank the water. “The water tastes weird” he said and went away.

The second crook came to the priest and said “Oh, Father! I have stolen alot of money from many people and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask god to forgive me!” The priest murmured a blessing and said “God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity”. So the second crook went and drank the sparkling water in the fountain. “This water tastes funny”, he said and went away.

Now only the third crook remained. “What is it that you did wrong, my son?” the priest asked. With an uneasy look the last crook said,”I peed in the well”.

For all of us who are—seniors—
for all of you who know seniors—
and for all of you who will be seniors.

It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are a senior!

‘Where Is My Paper?’

The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

‘Ma’am, said the employee, today is Saturday.The Sunday paper is not delivered ’til Sunday.’

There was quite a pause on the other end
of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition.

‘So that’s why no one was in church today.’

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.

9. Nike won’t give him a lucrative side-contract.

8. Reindeer and elves have unionised, driving up his cost.

7. New tax on flying sleighs.

6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years.

5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.

4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.

3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.

2. Children don’t leave as many cookies as they used to.

1. The Mrs. told him to.

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor’s windows, a child asks his father, “Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?”

“What? No, of course not.” says his father.

“Why not?” asks the child again.

Bewildered, his father replies, “Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness.”

I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in “Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages” I wrote: “This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages.”

Another time I was suppose to write “Forgiveness can send you to hell” and I accidentally wrote: “Forgiveness will send you to hell.”

Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.

~Linda

When a woman decided to send the old family Bible to her brother in another state, the postal worker asked her if there was anything breakable in the package. “Only the Ten Commandments,” she replied.