Two little ladies were shopping in the mall when Joanne smiled: “My cat can really play chess!”
With a shocking expression, Angelina praised Joanne’s cat: “Really? It must be very smart!”
Just when Angelina finished her sentence, Joanne said:” Well… Actually, I don’t know about that. I usually win three out of four times.”
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
12. Put magazines back on coffee table.
13. Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
15. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
16. Clean up mess.
17. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” soon.
If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?
1 Eat less.
2 Usually come when called.
3 Are easier to train.
4 Don’t ask for money all the time.
5 Don’t drink or smoke.
6 Don’t hang out with friends who use drugs.
7 Never ask to drive the car.
8 Don’t have to have the latest fashions.
9 Don’t want to wear your clothes.
10 Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11 If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
What do you call a black cat than can spring up to
a six foot wall ?
A good jumpurr !
Why are black cats such good singers?
They’re
very mewsical.
Teacher: Name four members of the cat
family
Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !
Which big cat should
you never play cards with
?
A cheetah !
When the cat’s away…..?
The house smells
better !
Why was the cat so small ?
Because it only ate
condensed milk !