Funny Jokes at Jokes Village

I just came across this exercise suggested for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems easy, so I thought I’d pass it on to some of my friends.

The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb.potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.

Bob and Joe sat next to each other taking a test. When they finished, the teacher called them up to the front of the room and said, “Boys, I will have to give both of you a zero on this test”

“W-why?” they wanted to know, though Joe was shifting uncomfortably.

She said, “Your answers were too nearly alike. One of you cheated and the other one let him do it.”

“What makes you think we cheated?” Bob asked. “That could have been a coincidence.”

The teacher said, “I might have believed that if it wasn’t
for the fact that when you came to question #10, Bob wrote
in ‘I don’t know’ for the answer, and you, Joe, put ‘Me
neither’!”

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.”

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $100!”

This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers–all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

What do you get if you cross
a giant, hairy
monster with a penguin?
I don’t know but it’s a very tightfitting
tuxedo.

Why did a man’s
pet vulture not make a sound
for five years?
It was stuffed.

Teacher: What’s a robin?
Fred: A bird that
steals, ma’am.

What do you call a vulture with no
beak?

A head banger.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if
they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls (bagels, get
it?).

Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to
take ballet lessons?
“He wanted to be a hentertainer.”

What kind of doctor does a duck
visit?
A
Ducktor.